From the new issue of death + taxes magazine.
Things To Make One Feel Better:
“Eat an ice cream sandwich in the shower. If that does not work, then: Travel to Little Rock, Arkansas and wait for something outrageous to happen and then look at the person next to you and say, “Only in New York.” If that does not work, try: When you see someone reading People or US Weekly magazine try lighting it on fire. Get a GED for a lawn mower. Open a locksmith company and call it Sure Lock Homes. Let diarrhea just happen — where and whenever. Tell your parents that even though they have ruined your last six Christmases you sill think they are wonderful.”